Large coffee to go, please. Black.
Whew. Didn't get much sleep last night at Ronee's.
Don't ask why because there are certain things a gentleman doesn't tell.
Ah.
- Dad, please? - All right, I'll tell you just a little.
- She's got this massage oil... - Would you stop it?
I do not wanna hear about your dirty weekend.
Especially since the most erotic experience I've had in six months
was last week's trouser fitting.
- Niles. - Hi, Niles.
- Hi. - The Gap, Niles.
I didn't know you shopped there.
I just discovered it.
Apparently there are a number of them.
And what did you get there?
Oh, uh, well, let's see.
- Some wineglasses and a bud vase. - That's Pottery Barn, you jackass.
Give me that.
Just as I thought.
You bought the Diego sweater.
Well, what's the big deal? It's just a sweater.
Not just a sweater. It's a work of art by Spain's fabled master weaver, Diego,
who uses only the soft chin hairs of Andalusian mountain goats.
Our sweater man could only get one.
Niles and I made a pact that neither would buy it. Can't keep a sweater pact.
Ronee, now there's a gal who can keep a sweater packed.
Stop that.
Least you can do is let me borrow it.
Absolutely not.
You know Diego's weave conforms precisely to the contours of one's body.
Five minutes on you, I'd never be able to wear it again.
- Hello. - Oh, hi, Daph.
- Hey, Daph. - Hey, Daphne.
Not a word about this.
We're saving money for the baby's college fund.
She'd kill me if she found out I spent half a semester on a sweater.
You can have this. I'm leaving.
Where have you been? You missed your massage this weekend.
That's what she thinks.
Just go.
Have a seat, Daph.
May I have a coffee?
- No biscotti? - No, I baked my own.
I decided a dollar-50 was way too much to spend on a cookie.
- Anyone? - Oh.
Thank you, my angel of thrift.
- Oh, hi, Roz. - Hey.
- Good morning. - Yeah, maybe yours was.
I just spent the last two hours waiting in line
for this kiddy performer that Alice loves, Nanny G,
and the second I got to the window, the show sold out.
Nanny G?
Frasier might be able to pull a few strings for you there.
You know Nanny G?
What, did you, like, date her?
Actually, I married her.
You married Nanny G?
Yeah, well, briefly. It was years ago.
I was a callow, dreamy-eyed youth,
- and she was... - Yeah, yeah, I need tickets.
She's at Kidbooks now signing her new CD.
- If you come with me... - Oh, all right.
- I'll see what I can do. Ha, ha. - Thank you.
Could you turn the heat up in here? It's freezing.
Niles has a sweater.
And it's from the Gap. Good boy. Ha, ha.
Now, help me stretch the neck out. I don't want to muss my hair.
- Thank you, Nanny G. - Oh, look, we're almost there.
So, what was it like being married to Nanny G?
Oh, God. I was so young and immature.
We'd have huge fights over nothing.
- But in the bedroom... - Frasier.
Oh, sorry.
So Nanny G gave you nice hugs?
Oh, big hugs.
No kidding?
- We used to hug our brains out. - Oh-ho-ho.
In fact, the last time we saw each other, she wanted to have a reunion hug.
But, alas, I was still married to Lilith and settling for my weekly handshake.
- So you hoping for another hug? - Hmm?
Well, the thought had crossed my mind. You know,
we used to have this wild attraction to each other.
It was almost combustible.
Truth be told,
it's been a while since I, uh... Ahem.
Romped with abandon through the perfumed gardens of Eros.
Next time you say something like that, cover my ears.
- And who's this for? - Frasier.
- F-R-A... - Frasier.
- Oh, it's so good to see you again. - Nanette, hi.
And you, you look great.
I've never seen such colour in your cheeks.
Oh, this isn't Lilith. Uh...
This is my coworker, Roz, and her daughter, Alice.
Hey, Alice. How old are you?
- I'm divorced now. - Five.
- Wow, 5. - Single again.
You know, what happens when you turn 6,
- you grow an extra finger. - Ha-ha-ha.
Footloose, fancy-free. Ha, ha.
- She's not biting. Just get the tickets. - All right.
You know, Nanette, uh, Alice was so hoping to see your show,
but, alas, all the tickets are sold.
Well, I think I can scare up three seats,
if you don't mind sitting in the front row.
Thank you, Nanny G.
Can I have everyone's attention?
Nanny G has to go to the theatre now, so no more autographs.
I'm sorry. But maybe we have time for one more thing.
- Would you like to hear a song? - Yeah.
Now does everyone know "The Peekaboo Song"?
Well, then, you know what to do.
♪ - Peekaboo ♪ ♪ Peekaboo. ♪
♪ Peekaboo ♪ ♪ Peekaboo. ♪
♪ Someone's there but, oh, my gosh ♪ ♪ I don't know who ♪
♪ - is it you? ♪ ♪ - Peekaboo. ♪
♪ - Give a clue. ♪ ♪ - Peekaboo. ♪
♪ Guess I better go ♪ ♪ And sneak a peekaboo. ♪
♪ Peekaboo. ♪
That was great.
Now it's your turn to sing back to me.
So I want everyone to cover your eyes.
- Uh-uh-uh. I said, everyone. - Oh.
♪ Peekaboo ♪ ♪ Peekaboo. ♪
♪ Someone's there ♪ ♪ But, oh, my gosh I don't know who ♪
♪ - is it you? ♪ ♪ - Peekaboo. ♪
♪ Give a clue ♪ ♪ Peekaboo. ♪
♪ Guess I better go ♪ ♪ And sneak a peekaboo. ♪
♪ Peekaboo. ♪
One more time.
Oh, hi, you guys, I'm glad you're both here.
Guess who's coming by for a drink.
Nanette Guzman.
Nanny G.
I don't suppose she's bringing her chequebook.
Oh, dear God, Dad, will you let it go?
I was still paying for that wedding six months after you two divorced.
Nanette didn't have any family, so she got off scot-free.
Oh, yeah, orphans get all the breaks.
Hey, Frasier, Dad and Ronee are joining us for dinner.
Why don't you two come?
Well, actually, Niles, I'm planning a bit of an intimate evening myself.
- Really? - She wants me.
You sure? You said that last week about the cable lady,
and she just had something in her eye.
She hit on me in the children's book store where I bought her CD.
Trust me, the woman is a sexual volcano about to erupt.
Judging from some of these song titles, you may be right.
"Manny's Messy Bed,."
"I Feel Something Great Inside Me,"
- "Banisters Are Fun." - Oh.
- Hey. - Hey, Daphne.
My sweater. Weren't you wearing it when you went out?
Yeah, but Eddie was pulling me along so fast,
I started sweating like a blacksmith.
I could smell the lamb curry I had for lunch just wafting out my pores.
But don't worry, it's right here.
Oh, great.
That was my last butterscotch. Now it's all fuzzy.
That'll be Nanette.
Nanette.
God, I could throw you down on this floor and... Hi.
Hello.
Here, let me take your...
- Is she's the children's entertainer? - Yeah, SpongeBob HotPants.
You remember my dad, of course. And Niles.
And this is his wife, Daphne.
- Nice to meet you. - It's nice to meet you too.
Well, oh, I don't think I've seen you since the wedding.
Oh, I remember that day. All those nice friends of yours came.
- Yeah, what was it? Sixty? Seventy? - Yes, okay, Dad.
I know because only 50 RSVP'd.
Yes, all right.
You know, sadly, this bunch is going out this evening,
so it'll just be the two of us.
- Hey. - And Donald.
- Donald? - Hey, put her there.
Don Burvvell.
- Frasier Crane. - Donald here does, well,
just about everything for me. He's my manager, producer,
- songwriter, publicist... - Husband.
I was getting there.
When I told him where I was going,
well, he just had to come along to meet you.
Well, uh...
Who wants wine? I know I do.
I'll help.
Donald, introduce yourself.
Hello, Donald.
When were you planning on telling me you have a husband?
He produces my shows. It's a marriage of convenience.
Well, at the moment it's not.
Come on, give Nanny some sugar.
No, stop that. Stop it.
Donald will see us.
Say you're short on something, send him to the store. He's good at errands.
No, I'm not going to send him on an errand.
- He's your husband. - It's just business.
It's nothing like what we had. Do you remember the passion?
And the wildness?
Well, we are running low on cornichons.
Not only did we break house records in Boise
and Topeka, but she hasn't missed a show.
She just... She lives to entertain children.
Of all ages.
Come.
Come out and look at the balcony.
Dear God.
- We've lost our minds. - Oh, Frasier,
if you knew how bored I am being Nanny G.
How trapped I feel.
But you have a wonderful career.
But nothing ever changes.
Do you have any idea what it's like to play the same character for 20 years?
Well,
you've brought joy to... To countless small children.
Yeah, well, there are times you wanna bring joy
to somebody big enough to throw a little back at you.
Who wants wine?
Oh, that'll cool her right down.
None for us. We really have to go.
Yeah, and nice to meet you, Donald.
Fras, see you in a few hours.
Oh, looks like a threesome tonight.
Maybe I'll just stay at Ronee's.
Yes, well, uh... Ahem.
Here we all are. Heh, heh.
Hello?
Are you sure?
Mr. Bunny's using again.
- Do you have anyone to replace him? - Donald, we are guests.
Take that outside. Honestly.
The man has no manners.
- Cut that out. - Oh, I can't help myself.
I've never stopped thinking about you.
Nor I you, but this is wrong.
Oh, Frasier, you're so good.
You always do the right thing.
I have the exact same problem.
Well, you're making great strides overcoming it.
Well, I'm tired of being good.
I've sung my songs and cheered people up.
Haven't I earned the right to be a little bad?
Isn't there a part of you that wants to be bad?
Yes, and three guesses which one.
I can't do it.
Come to my dressing room after the show tomorrow.
I have an hour when Donald's busy. I know an hour's not much.
Trust me, an hour is more than ample.
Well,
I just hope he shows up tomorrow.
That bunny suit is just so darn tight on me.
Donald, you know, you really must try one of these, uh, Gruyère tarts.
Oh, no, thanks. I'm watching the old cholesterol.
So am I. But you know what? I just feel like being bad tonight.
What about you, Frasier?
Are you gonna be bad?
Go on.
What's one little tart?
Mm. Well, it shows its face.
- What was that last night? - Relax, nothing happened.
My problem now is that
she's invited me to her dressing room for an après-show tryst.
- You're not going? - Well, uh...
- Frasier? - Niles.
If you had any idea how much pain she's in.
The woman is reaching out to me to rescue her from a loveless marriage,
from a career she feels trapped in.
If I could help her make a new beginning,
wouldn't it be heartless of me to deny myself to her?
Did you say something? Your penis was talking so loud I couldn't hear.
All right.
I want her and she wants me.
- She's married. - Yes, well, I married her first.
Till death us do part, as I recall.
Now, you may not take those vows seriously, but I do.
- Will you listen to yourself? - Oh, this is more than just sex, Niles.
This is passion. Kismet.
A gift the gods bestow on only a chosen few.
Wouldn't the real sin be to refuse it?
Isn't that your old second-piece-of-pie argument?
Well, maybe it is, but I haven't had pie in six months.
Frasier, you can rationalise this any way you want.
The real question is, if you do this, can you live with yourself afterwards?
- Ready for the concert? - Hey, Alice.
- Hi, Uncle Niles. - Hi.
- Come on, Mommy, let's go. - Oh, no hugs for Frasier?
No.
No hugs for Frasier.
Frasier, I thought you were coming after the show.
- No, I can't. - Well, we have ten minutes.
- Let me just get rid of... Donald. - No, no.
- I can't do this at all. - What?
Nothing. Just sit there.
God knows I'm tempted, but this is wrong.
I'm sorry you've been so unhappy in your life lately,
but if you wanna talk, we can meet later at the coffee shop next door.
Why can't we talk now?
- Don't you have a show to do? - They can't start without me.
Here, come with me.
What is this place?
It's the prop room.
This is where I come before every show to fight off the emptiness
and the nausea that comes over me.
You don't know how many times I've sat down here
curled up in a ball, vomiting like a wino.
Hold me, Frasier.
I can't.
You're married.
And these shoes are suede.
Look, I realise that you're at a crossroads right now,
and if I can help you reach some decision, then...
- I can't go on. - Then don't.
Make a break. Redefine yourself.
No, I mean, now, this show.
- I can't go on. - What?
- Cancel? - I can't go out there and sing and dance
and pretend to be a happy lady
when the love of my life has just rejected me.
Oh, Nanette, I... I realise you're upset,
but just think of little Alice and the children.
Let them learn now that life is filled with bitter disappointments.
- But, Nanette... - Oh, make me a happy lady, Frasier.
And then I can go on.
For the children.
- All right. Okay. - All right. All right.
Take me, Frasier.
Yes, yes.
Oh, God. How I've dreamed of this moment. Have you?
Are you kidding? I dreamed of it twice last night.
- Oh, my God. - Already?
Oh, no. I thought we had more time.
Quick. Get off the bed.
Oh, dear God, why is the ceiling opening up?
This is how I make my entrance. Get off!
I can't, I can't. I'm tangled in the sheets.
God, jump.
Jump? It's too high.
Just aim for your clothes.
- Dear God, my clothes. - Oh, God.
Oh, hide, for God's sakes, just hide.
You've got to get out of this bed.
Can't I just hide here until the show's over?
Trust me, that ain't gonna work.
♪ When it's time to rise ♪
♪ I yawn and rub my eyes. ♪
♪ Because I'm such a sleepyhead. ♪
♪ But rise I do. ♪
♪ Because I'm dying to see what's new. ♪
♪ In Nanny's messy bed. ♪
♪ There might be treats. ♪
♪ Last week I found a pizza. ♪
♪ And a chimpanzee named Fred. ♪
♪ So, kids, what say. ♪
♪ We see what we find today. ♪
♪ In Nanny's messy bed? ♪
♪ There's always something new. ♪
♪ It's Mr. Kangaroo. ♪
♪ A bunny rabbit too. ♪
♪ And a panda. ♪
- Panda. - Who the hell are you?
Dr. Frasier Crane, a noted psychiatrist.
When does the bed go back to the basement?
A new set comes on. The bed flies out. Into the rafters. Fast.
♪ What a mess. ♪
♪ What a messy, messy, messy ♪ ♪ Messy bed. ♪
♪ What a mess. ♪
♪ Nonetheless. ♪
♪ With all the time I spend in it ♪ ♪ It's nice to have a friend in it. ♪
You have got to get me out of here.
This thing's about to fly up to the rafters.
I didn't know that, only having done this show 12,000 times.
- Put this on. - You can't be serious.
Just put it on now.
♪ In Nanny's empty bed. ♪
Oh, hi, boys and girls.
- Hi, Nanny G. - Well,
I guess I better make my bed.
You don't have to, Nanny G.
I have a magic wand that can make it fly again until it's nighttime again.
- ♪ Alaka... ♪ - Wait.
I think there's something in there that I haven't found yet. Ah!
It's the best surprise ever.
It's a new baby brother.
Oh, what's the matter, little guy? You look kind of sad. Are you gonna cry?
Cry.
Sounds like somebody could use some cheering up.
Let's sing him "The Hoppity-Hop Song."
- We cut "Hoppity-Hop" in Detroit. - We're putting it back in.
♪ When I'm blue just like you. ♪
♪ When it's not my day ♪
♪ I hop, hop, hoppity-hop. ♪
♪ Hop my troubles away. ♪
Come on.
♪ When a bee stings my knee. ♪
♪ When I lose a toy ♪
♪ I hop, hop, hoppity-hop. ♪
♪ And soon I'm jumping for joy. ♪
♪ We were feeling sad. ♪
♪ Now we're feeling snappy. ♪
♪ We were hopping mad. ♪
♪ Now we're hopping happy. ♪
♪ So when you think people stink. ♪
♪ Let your knees just bend. ♪
♪ And hop, hop, hoppity-hop. ♪
♪ Watch your grumpiness end. ♪
♪ Hap, hop, hoppity-hop. ♪
♪ And soon you'll make a new friend ♪